I’m a pretty boring person these days. I like waking up fresh and owning Sunday morning (sans hangover). But still… there is nothing better than shaking your ass on a pumping dace floor; except when other people get in your way. Call me Nanna but nothing is more annoying than having your personal space encroached on by an inebriated brat with flailing arms and bad rhythm.
It truly brings out the worst in me. I go from zen-loving to petty and difficult in 30 seconds flat. And just quietly… I like to elbow people in the back when they get too close to me. Forget PLUR these are the worst offenders-
- The Sex Pest – The Pest likes to creep up on girls (and guys) and grind them from behind. It’s not sexy, attractive or in any means welcoming. You’re not here for the music, go away.
- The Overdancer – Oh mah gawwwd I love this song!!! Shakes too hard, screams too loud and then spills their drink all over the crowd.
- The Unmovable Oafs – A group of (big) guys who bop their heads but don’t actually move, shake or boogie. They just stand there… watching, observing and creeping.
- The Grinder – This person just gyrates the air and eye-fu*ks the DJ. It’s not really an offence; it’s just strange to watch.
- Really Drunk Girls – Rude, boisterous and bossy. They keep hustling strangers for drinks and requesting songs from the DJ.
- The Space Invaders – Too close buddy, wayyy too close.
I can’t whinge, I’ve been known to steal handbags and jackets in different states of inebriation… once I came home wearing someone else’s shoes and refused to give them back. It’s true friends, I’ve been The Grinder, The Overdancer and possibly a Sex Pest. I might love hating on really trashed people and getting all uppity about their seemingly stupid behaviour but the things that annoy me the most just remind me of myself.
The key message – don’t throw stones at glasshouses… but it’s totally ok to elbow them in the back every once in a while.
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