Happy Wife, Happy Life

I think I missed the ‘girl’ gene. At 30, my biological clock hasn’t exploded and my desire for babies is fleeting. I like the little-people and I understand that they’re really cute. But I dislike the thought of having another human shit and vomit on me.

I venomously dislike weddings, ceremony and taffeta. All three make me feel ill. I do believe in marriage and think there’s something beautiful – but quite possibly mad – about 2 people committing to a lifetime of together-ness. If I could do marriage (without the wedding part) I’d be positively chuffed.

I like wearing clothes but couldn’t give a shit about fashion. I’m happy if it’s clean, ironed and sort of matches. On a good day I might brush my hair.

Thankfully I keep a clean house and can cook a mean lamb shank. A testament to my mumma’s good parenting skills.

We live in a culture that pushes the idea that marriage, motherhood and femininity are all intertwined and therefore the obligatory outcome of being a grown-up. Before I met Ben, I never thought I would be a ‘happy wife.’ I was perpetually single and dated for sport and entertainment.

I was fine with my missing girl gene, but nobody else was.

You should date properly

I have no idea what date properly means. I assume it means “keep trying with a person you don’t like so you have some company for the rest of your days” – I’d rather eat glass.

Is their something fundamentally wrong with you?

God I hope not. It’s possible, but all signs point to I’m a normal, functioning adult with an above average IQ. Thanks for your concern though.

You should dress better or try something new with your hair

And you look like a slapper with too much bronzer and ugly shoes.

You’re going to miss the boat

Have you ever tried dating in Sydney? It’s dismal. A smart woman would let that ship sail. To be clear – my missing boat, lack of suitable partner and disinterest in procreation isn’t any of your business.

Happy wife / happy life – Yes, I’m quite aware that it’s just a silly truism that gets thrown around to make men behave and buy their wives useless gifts, but the sentiment annoys me. I might be missing the girl gene, my ovaries haven’t exploded and I still don’t want to brush my hair but I’d rather have happy life first before becoming a happy wife any day.


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6 Comments

  1. Tahlia Meredith Oct 01, 2014 - 07:21 AM

    You’re hilarious! But also saying what a lot of women are thinking, thank you for putting it out there honestly and with humour.

    Reply
    • Tanya Oct 01, 2014 - 07:35 AM

      Thanks beautiful! I think most newborns look like potatoes and it freaks me out that they cry, vomit and shit ALL the time. Still I kinda want one someday…far away! xxx

      Reply
  2. Sarah Bown | Signed By Sez Oct 02, 2014 - 08:31 AM

    Lady I am crushin bad on you after reading this! This is my first intro to your blog and your loving sarcasm speaks right to me and I LOVED it. I’m mid 20’s and in the decreasing half of my friendship group who aren’t married and although I do have a long term partner we are still years away from making that step. And only recently people have started asking me when we are getting married. So of course totes looking forward to fending off that question for the next few years! Loving your honest work 🙂 x

    Reply
    • Tanya Oct 02, 2014 - 08:50 AM

      OMG I hate it when friends/family/strangers ask the stooopidest questions – drives me crazy. I get that they mean well, but shut the hell up! So happy (and incredibly honoured) that this speaks to you beautiful . Big love and kisses to you xxx

      Reply
  3. Sarah Oct 04, 2014 - 09:48 AM

    OMG Tanya I f**king LOVE this post. Thanks for having the balls to be so honest and say it like you mean it. Huge respect! Your post is hilarious, truthful and I SO RELATE to so much of what you wrote. You’re freakin awesome! xx

    Reply
    • Tanya Oct 06, 2014 - 11:57 AM

      I LOVE that you love it AND I’m honoured that you get it (so many people just don’t). Big love you and muchos thanks for your comment xxx

      Reply

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