This retrograde has been slowly killing me, everything feels stagnant and I’m so tired and emotionally spent that my eyeballs hurt. The daily grind is wearing thin, my house is a mess and I’m currently allergic to people. My mornings are probably the hardest as I give myself these awesome little “you can do it!” pep talks in a feeble attempt to get excited for the 8 hours of monotony that lies ahead.
I’ve been forced into awareness of a few uncomfortable truths. People are not always kind, I’m not always right and sometimes the best course of action is to suck it up.
I tried gratitude journaling, crystals and red wine to help shift the inertia.
Gratitude journaling – though powerful – doesn’t really help when you’re in a foul mood. It just feels shallow and a tiny bit dumb. My crystals look very pretty on my desk but red wine is just giving me a dry mouth and a sore head.
Whilst I’ll always fight for the light and will always seek out love and goodness, I’m accepting of my own darkness and am becoming more comfortable with my own Shadow.
We live in a world of duality or opposing forces. So we all need to dance between expressing our lightness – and ultimate Godliness – whilst being open and accepting to our own darkness or Shadow.
Having a ‘darkness’ that lives inside you isn’t a bad thing – it’s your ultimate teacher. My Shadow manifests in inertia, self-attack and sabotage. I get lazy. I become hard on myself but I also refuse to take responsibility for my feelings (or my messy kitchen). I rely on other people to fill me up or to give me the love that I desire.
There’s an internal war or struggle that exists in each person. Your Shadow could manifest in judgment, anger, jealousy, envy or fear. Stalk your fears, hunt them down and don’t be afraid to sit and feel into the sensation. The Shadow has countless faces and wears many masks.
Constructive discontent is an energy that’s forcing us awake by revealing the disregarded, hidden and sometimes shameful parts of the personality. Your ultimate truth is not your shortcomings, anger or struggles. You are not your bullshit and you are not your silly stories.
No, my dear friend those sensations are meant to be used as a map to help lead you out of struggle and further towards realisation. The Shadow helps to uncover the brilliant treasure and shining brightness that is your ultimate truth by first bringing up all your bullshit, exposing your darkness and secrets.
Activate your Shadow by stalking yourself. Watch, beyond your eyes and listen beyond hearing. Pay attention.
- Watch your thoughts without judgement and see what comes up.
- Are you critical of yourself and others? Are you afraid? Are you jealous?
- Then ask yourself why? The question why activates the whole universe, so start using it.
Finally be kind, and offer yourself forgiveness for whatever you unravel. Be willing to see things differently and be open to change.