Why I’m not ready for motherhood

Motherhood isn’t for everybody. There are some people should never be allowed to procreate. They’re either too selfish or they want a baby to complete themselves or to fix a faulty relationship. I fall into the ‘too selfish’ category.

Ben and I joke about my stubborn Taurus streak and my only child syndrome. “You’re not selfish baby” he says, “You just like everything your own way”. It’s true and I do.

I think it’s different for people who’ve seen their own parents struggle and sacrifice everything they have for the well-being of their children. My Mumma is like that. As a single mum she always made sure I had the best of everything. She happily went without any of life’s pleasures so I always had new toys, books and beautiful clothes. She worked tirelessly to send me to the best schools possible and spent her weekends chauffeuring me between dance classes, tutoring and friend’s houses.

In my household I always came first. And I still do.

Maybe my Mum is an anomaly or maybe it’s an Asian parent thing – but I think there comes a certain amount of sacrifice when it comes to having babies. I often wonder if I’m willing (and capable) of making that type of sacrifice…and I honestly don’t know.

I grew up knowing that I was loved, valued, wanted and always cared for. But my Mumma also instilled the fear of god into me with her stern discipline and deadly glare. To this day I’m still scared of her wrath and innate ability to lecture me. I think that’s called good parenting.

It’s difficult being a 30-something woman who’s unsure about motherhood. Comments such as you’ll change your mind, you do want them but you don’t know it yet and don’t wait too long are both insulting to my intelligence and my ovaries.

I might be selfish but I’m definitely not stupid.

I understand that my ambivalence towards parenthood is a sure-fire sign that I’m not ready. If that changes I’ll happily eat my words… and various blogs I’ve written on the topic.

Not all women should be mothers and I might just be one of them. Not due to the inability to love, care or provide but out of the sheer fear of the sacrifice involved. I refuse to bring a child into the world that I’m not prepared to be completely responsible for.

There are too many beautiful little people who – for various reasons and circumstance – don’t have access to the love and support they deserve. This is abhorrent.

So share with me in the comments below – is it better to wait till you’re ready or is there no such thing as “ready”?

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  1. Maureen Dec 04, 2014 - 01:42 PM

    I’m a single mom and I’m Asian too and yes I do glare and lectured my son lol. Reading this warm my heart in a way because I hope one day my son can say the same thing about me even when there are times I feel like I’m failing this whole motherhood thing. As to your question, I think only you have the answer. You know yourself best. I had my son early because I thought that’s what girls suppose to do. Get married then have a baby right away. I really think in a healthy state of mind you will know when you are ready 🙂

    • Tanya Dec 04, 2014 - 11:09 PM

      Thank you Maureen! I have so much respect for single mothers, I’ve know first hard how hard they work. My mumma did the best she could – always. This included lectures, yelling and death stares. It was always coupled with lots of love and care. I take my hat off to you – im not sure I could do it xx


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